My Happiness
by IAmAwesomeBecauseMyNameIsSam
Summary: Slight AU fic inspired by Powderfinger's song 'My Happiness'. Emily waits for Naomi to return home. She's waiting for her happiness to slowly creep back in.


**Hello all! Sam here! Now, I know I'm shit and haven't updated my other story but this came to me as I listened to some old music the other night. This fic is inspired by Powderfinger, one of the greatest Australian bands EVER...in my opinon. Oh yeah and because they're from Brisbane and so am I! :D YAY! Really regret not going to their concert a few weeks ago **** The title of the song is called – 'My Happiness' **

**Btw, this is like an AU fic I guess. I hope I did alright D: Oh gosh. **

**I do not own Skins, I don't even own the DVDs or anything! Fail at me. **

**Happy reading!**

My Happiness

I couldn't convince her to stay, not even if I tried to. And I honestly did try, but she seemed adamant to go. And yes, I let her. She left me a heartfelt goodbye, I knew she would come back, but as I saw her leave, with her blonde locks swaying delicately in the wind, bag draped eloquently on one shoulder, I knew without a doubt I just watched my happiness slip away and walk through the rusty gate. It's been more than a few days, more than a few weeks, like she said she would, a few weeks turned into a few months. And a few months turned into feeling like an eternity.

I felt as cold as ice on that forgettable Sunday morning, trudging aimlessly through parks, buying far too many packs of cigarettes and smoking them far too quickly.

I could understand why she wanted to go, it was confusing for both of us, and her especially I guess. I wanted to be mad, no, I _needed _to be mad, but I couldn't. Because I love her. I'd never voiced it aloud but I'm sure whenever she looked into my eyes she saw the truth. Maybe that's what scared her? Or am I just that unlovable that the object of my affections had to leave the fucking country?

So many questions remain unanswered. But I couldn't care less, she was coming home.

I got the call on a normal routine day for me; wake up, pretend to be fine for the family, and then go off somewhere to think. Just think. Sometimes I wonder if one day I'll eventually go mad from all the inner monologues I have with myself, occasionally I'll ask JJ if he wants to hang out. That usually involves model airplanes, no talking and I'm okay with that. It somehow keeps me sane.

I sometimes wonder if I'll be waiting, always waiting. I've contemplated moving on, but even the thought of it made me feel queasy.

I even visit Effy on occasion, we just sit and smoke. It's always the same, she's always the same. Both of us wrapped up in our own world where our own fantasies exist. Where no one but ourselves gets to decide what happens, who leaves and who goes.

The call, the call that would probably save me came on a Monday as I pretended to enjoy dinner with my family. My family sat, seemingly oblivious to my current state except Katie, who was presumably just avoiding it. I felt as though I hadn't spoken for years when my mum asked me what my plans were for the upcoming year. I'd taken a gap year after completing college, I'd not really thought about uni since before Naomi left.

A croaky, "Not sure yet," was expelled from my lips as I pushed around some brussel loose sprouts on my plate.

"Come on now, Emily, you have to start thinking about your future. Stop this fixation with that horrible girl and be more like Katie, she's a fantastic role model," my mum said, looking across at Katie who was just staring at her plate, tight lipped and silent.

"_Be more like Katie"_, words that send me over the edge. White hot rage blazed through my cold veins, my bottled up emotions bubbled over like a dormant super volcano erupting for the first time in centuries. I clutched my fork in my hand, shaking with anger and every other thing I'd been feeling for the past few months.

My mouth was open in anticipation for a fight when my phone had begun to ring, loud and shrill in the silent room. I looked down at my pockets in surprise, no one ever called me, unless it was Katie asking me where I was, or JJ asking whether we could paint airplanes or Effy wondering if I was up for a party.

My stomach dropped because I doubt it could be any of them, I excused myself swiftly from the table, all anger diminished as I stared at the caller ID. _Unknown Number _was flashing on the screen, taunting me to answer it. All the while I could hear my mother shouting something at me. I couldn't give a shit what she said right now as my finger hovered over the green answer button.

What if it was something horrible? What if one of my friends is in trouble? What if it was a distraught Gina telling me that Naomi would not ever be coming home? The questions filled my mind, bouncing around haphazardly, making my head feel sore.

I decided to just answer it; I pushed the small, green button and held the phone hesitantly up to my ear. Listening intently I made out the sounds of wind beating against the speaker of the caller's phone and casual background noise, suggesting that the person on the other end of the line was in some sort of public area.

My curiosity peaked as I listened for a few seconds, a timid, "Hello?" escaping me.

There was nothing for a bit longer. Then a whispered, "Ems?" came down the line.

My heart stopped, I knew that voice, I could tell who it was just by that small whispered word. I hear it all the time in my dreams.

I didn't know what to say, I had been waiting for this moment for quite a while; I stood there, outside my parents' front door, at a loss for words.

"Emily? Are you there?" she called again, this time with a little louder.

I'd realised that I hadn't said a thing since my feeble salutation so I mumbled a quiet, "Yeah."

I heard her sigh in what I imagine was relief and then she continued on by saying, "So, um, I'm, uh, coming back...soon. And mum said it would be best to call you, uh, first..."

She sounded nervous, not at all like the strong and confident girl I knew. I hoped time hadn't changed her.

I wished I could be angry at her, I wished at that moment I could have been cold towards her, told her I didn't give a fuck, maybe even unreasonable. But that would have been a lie and I was never very good at lying. Hearing her voice, it made my resolve crumble like the walls of ancient ruins.

So I opted to go with a quiet, "Oh...right..."

Another silence, "Yeah, so...yeah," she finished lamely.

I couldn't help but notice the awkwardness the brief conversation held.

"Do you...do you know when?" I asked quietly again, for some reason it seemed better to speak at a low level.

"I'm not sure yet...Mum will probably keep you posted...that is if you still talk to her," Naomi concluded.

Of course I still talked to Gina, she's a lovely woman. I'd spent a countless amount of hours with her, just chatting about anything in particular. Sometimes Kieran would join us. It was nice.

"Right...yeah I do. So...is that it?" My comment might have come off a bit rudely but I genuinely wanted to know if that was all she called me for. After not having received a call, e-mail, nothing from her in the past few months.

"Yes..." Her breathy reply made it to my ears; I suddenly didn't want to talk to her. Maybe the anger was finally coming on.

"Alright then, see you," I answered abruptly, my finger nail absentmindedly peeling off a bit of chipped paint from the front door.

I listened for a reply and knew I wouldn't get one, I sighed and took the phone from my ear, ready to hang up when I heard my name being called distantly from the receiver. I put the phone up to my ear but said nothing.

She probably assumed that I hadn't hung up so continued by saying, "I – I miss you."

The comment hung in the air, silence on both our ends. Not knowing what to say, I just stayed still for a few moments that seemed to drag.

I didn't know what to say, of course I missed her, I even miss her when we used to sit next to each other and our hands were only a few centimetres away from each others. I miss her so much it's ridiculous. I miss her soft hands, I miss her hair and how it shines in the sun, I miss her laugh, and how it always seemed to sound like a beautiful song to my ears. I miss her smile, how even just seeing it made me swoon, I miss her kisses, so delicate and wonderful, and how they make me feel like I'm flying.

But in that moment, I couldn't say it, it was strange but I just couldn't.

So I relented with a small and reserved, "Good bye, Naomi."

Naomi sighed and muttered, "Bye," into the phone.

Hanging up the phone, I felt slightly heavier than what I did before the call.

I stood there, outside my parents' front door, clutching my phone staring intently at nothing.

I jumped about four feet in the air when the door was pulled open quickly, Katie slamming right into me causing me to drop my phone in the process.

Her hand reached out to steady me as I wobbled a bit on the spot and a rushed, "Shit," coming from her.

We both regained balance and we looked at each other, her identical face was staring blankly at me. No emotion.

Katie's feet shuffled on the ground beneath both our, she gestured towards my phone in my hand that I had retrieved from where it fell.

"Who called?" She asked, attempting to make conversation.

I'd never really noticed it before but these past few months, Katie and I had grown so far apart, I had no clue as to what was going on with her. I looked away from her, slightly ashamed for never telling her anything, ashamed for blocking her out.

"Naomi," I timidly said, still not meeting her eyes.

"Right, what'd she want then?" Her voice was hard, I knew she disliked Naomi and was only trying to be the older, protective sister, which she did annoyingly well.

"She's – she's coming back soon," I said, finally looking up at her. She was looking at me with no anger or a condescending look. It intrigued me to be honest so I continued, "She didn't say when, just said it was soon."

There was silence between the two of us, her eyes studying me, almost calculating, until she finally spoke.

"You love her," Katie stated while I just looked at her, searching her eyes.

I just nodded absently and her eyes softened significantly, she moved her arms and wrapped them around me. Her perfume so familiar, arms so comforting. I gripped her tightly, not letting go.

I realised then in that moment, that this was the kind of comfort I needed. I needed someone to just hold me, someone to not say anything, to just give me the silence I wanted.

And Katie did just that. Not saying a word, silently knowing and understanding everything I wanted to tell her. Her embrace filled me with warmth, filled me with strength, I realised just how much I miss her and as we stood in the cool, dark space she said, "It's okay, Ems."

That did it. That small reassurance made me crumble, the tears cascaded down my face, every single thing I'd wanted to cry about came out in that moment. Katie just held me, did her job well, I don't think I loved her more in that moment than I did then.

It was a while before I could gain control of myself, I probably looked horrible but Katie didn't say a thing. She just let go of me gently and wiped my eyes.

"There, better?" Katie asked when I'd quietened down.

"Y – Yeah," I managed to stutter out.

"Good, let's go inside. I'll handle mum, you just go upstairs."

And with that, she took my hand and laced her fingers through mine, pushing open the front door. We slowly walked upstairs, with no sign of mum or dad at all.

Safely inside our room, Katie led me to my bed and we both lay down in it.

"Wanna talk about it?" Katie asked softly, both of us staring at the ceiling. We hadn't done this in a while. Just lay together, like when we were young. Back when we used to tell each other everything. Before I knew I was different.

I thought about her question, there really was nothing to say, not really. So I shook my head and said I just wanted to sleep.

Days flew by, weeks pass in a blur of colour, sound and movement. But still no follow up call from Naomi.

I sat in Gina's kitchen, cradling a cup of tea in my hands, blowing the steam from it. She'd asked me earlier in the day to come over, no specific time was mentioned, just orders to visit. When I arrived there was a note saying that Gina was out and to make myself comfortable. I held the piece of paper in my fingers, scrutinising its every word. Wondered where she'd got to.

Silently I thumbed through a celebrity magazine, absentmindedly reading articles and other useless things I couldn't care less about. That was until Gina's phone rang, I stopped what I was doing immediately. I was thankful for a distraction.

It rang out in the silent house; I looked toward it, contemplating answering it just to shut it up. The ringing then stopped and the answering machine picked it up.

The voice coming from it made my stomach flutter and my eyebrows rise in surprise, but what surprised me even more was what she was saying.

"Hey mum, remember when I told you that I'd be home tomorrow? Well, I apparently can't read twenty-four hour time correctly and I'm outside right now. I don't have a key and have no clue if you're in, so I decided to call first, and I'm assuming you're not since you didn't answer the phone. I know you're still an old hippy and don't own a mobile phone yet," Naomi chuckled softly before she continued; "I guess I'll try and break in if need be, just don't blame me if I break a pot or something else equally as useless."

The line went dead, and I began to panic.

_She's outside. Right now. RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND!_

I was suddenly on my feet, the magazine discarded on the coffee table, looking around the room, for some reason I was looking for a place to hide. Panic ripped through me at the thought that I'd see her again.

I hear the rusted front gate being pushed open and the sound of her roller suitcase and the clicking of her heels on the concrete of the garden path that lead to the front door of the small yellow house.

I then realise that I left the front door wide open, the screen door the only thing that could stop Naomi from waltzing right into the house and into the room where I'm currently fixed on the spot.

There was nothing I could do as the sounds stop, then the sound of the screen door being pushed open is echoing through the house, the sounds being amplified by my ears.

The door shuts gently and I hear Naomi setting down her bag in the hallway. Only a little more and I'd be seen. I didn't know what she'd think would be worse, the fact that I'm sitting in her living room or the fact that I'm just sitting here not doing anything.

The shuffling of her feet on the wooden floor makes me look up and there I'm met with the cool blue eyes of the girl I love. For a moment I just stand there and hold my breath, she seems to be doing the same thing.

I feel like her gaze is ripping me open, I feel exposed and vulnerable. Naomi's always made me feel like that, I have no idea if it was a good thing or not.

There's something in the air that changes noticeably, I realised that I had not prepared myself for this moment even though I'd been dreaming about it for such a long while.

Suddenly, I can't take it anymore; I needed her here next to me. I needed to feel her long arms around me, to feel her heat flush up against my own, to rest my ear on her chest and hear her steady beating heart.

My movements seemed exaggeratedly and painfully slow as I made my way across the invisible threshold that separated us. I vaguely saw her arms move and before I knew it, I'd fallen into them.

Naomi was barely holding me up; I was clutching her with such intensity that I heard her expel a breath. Her arms tightened around me, my face buried in the crook of her neck.

We stood like that for what seemed to be an age; I rested my ear on her chest, silently listening to the beating of her heart. The sign that she was indeed hear with me.

I didn't know where we stood at that moment in time, all I knew was that she was here. She wasn't moving, so clearly this was alright. I snuggled closer to her, inhaling her smell, she smelled the same, maybe time hadn't changed her too much.

I shut my eyes and whispered a small and muffled, "I missed you too," into her shirt.

This caused her to pull me away from her abruptly, I chanced looking at her. She had the widest grin on her face; I just stared at her, feeling as though I'd been deprived of life since she was gone.

Naomi proceeded to pull me back into her and I was not complaining.

And as we stood there, wrapped up with each other and silently reuniting, I felt my happiness slowly creeping back in. Now that she was with me, now that she was home.

**A/N: So, that's the end of this one-shot (that took me like forever to write because I'm lazy haha). Hope you liked it, I enjoyed writing this even though there was minimal dialogue :D **

**I hope everyone has a great weekend, seeing as it's Saturday here now lol. Timezones: Continually freaking me out. I know my weekend will probably be watching the AFL Grand Final Rematch, which I think is still unbelievably stupid. First the election, NOW THIS! 2010: The Year Australia Couldn't Really Make Up It's Mind. Yeah so, I really don't care who wins actually, haha I just hope someone does! ANYWAY! I feel like I've rambled on for far too long :D I like talking, don't judge meh! **

**Drop me a comment if you think my story is worthy. Or PM me if you want to have a little chat or give me a firm talking to about the length of my author's note hehe. **

**PS – The new Harry Potter trailer made me die :o**

**Sam **


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